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My Stonie heart

December 24, 2010

I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” (Ezekiel 36:25-27)

I used to think a heart of stone came from apathy or indifference. I now wonder if hard hearts also come from deeply wounded hearts that never submitted to the Urgent Care of the Lord? Perhaps hard heartedness doesn’t happen overnight, but is a slow and steady process of tightening up ones defenses each time anxiety strikes? I have found myself there lately. And the temptation to “rule with an iron fist” has crept up, as the heaviness of people’s disappointment in me, and my disappointment in them builds. In the midst of feeling deep places of anxiety, I recognize the still small whispers of a mighty God beckoning me to come to Him, give Him the deepest places of pain… and let Him break me further that I may heal upright and true. I think the painfulness of giving up the heart of stone isn’t hurt pride, but rather exposed brokenness.

“Lord, here am I.”

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